A guide to men ...how not to get in trouble with your wife..

THE married man’s guide to avoiding rollickings from the missus has finally been released – and good kitchen manners top the list.

Blokes should never criticise their better half’s cooking, eat the last thing in the fridge or put a coffee cup in the wrong sink.

The Squashed Man Who Married A Dragon, a 100-long list of tips and tricks for dodging marital misery, has been published by long-suffering hubby Anthony Blackie, 75, to celebrate half a century of marriage to Vicki, 69.Retired salesman Anthony, 75, of Clitheroe, Lancs, said: “I have more than 50 years of battle scars to show for the dedicated research I have done on behalf of grooms-to-be and married men everywhere in order to make their lives a lot more bearable.“It is much better and more peaceful to realise that a husband’s lot is that you can’t win.”Granddad-of-four Anthony said “50 long, hard, cruel years” of gritting his teeth through doing the washing up wrong, eating the last thing in the fridge and sorting out his appearance, after being compared to an “exploding balloon”, had given him enough wisdom to share.

1. Learn quickly which side of the sink is the wrong side to put your used coffee mug

2. Let her throw out items of your clothing, no matter how precious they are to you

3. Don’t question her when she does crazy things

4. Always take her phone calls

5. Never let your brother or your best friend come to stay

6. Never criticise her cooking - and don’t eat the last one of anything in the house. Only she is allowed to do that

7. Let her think she is cleverer than you

8. Say “yes” a lot

9. Give her control of the TV remote

10. Don’t shout when she crashes the car

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