Doctors and Security agree to release Essex Bird


After being rushed into the Costa del Sol hospital in "Marbs" with what is rumoured to be a broken nail, doctors, nurses, cleaners, porters and security staff have agreed to release Essex back into the community.

The group met early Tuesday morning , in a guarded location, to discuss the events of the last few days. Security told tales of a very distressed Spanish lady running out of the hospital in fear after claiming that a "Guiri" suffering from nicotine withdrawal symptoms had threatened to stick her transistor radio "Where the Sun don't shine" if she didn't turn it off, and a nurse told of the struggle she had to forcibly remove a Burger King Whopper from the mouth of a patient who was on a strict no salt, no fat diet.....

Essex Bird will be released back into the community with a strict curfew in force and a total ban on the consumption of Cava.

At the time of going to press , Doctors were still unable to confirm if "Essex's" mystery illness had anything to do with the visible change in colour from Blond to Violet and Pink of her hair.. ..we'll keep you posted


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